Becoming Complete

When Brannon and I first spoke of becoming parents, we did not know the long - and often curvy - road that awaited us. We did not know that it would take so long to become pregnant. We did not know that we would be traveling to Birmingham and Montgomery to try to become pregnant. We did not know that we would blame ourselves for "not being pregnant." And we certainly did not know that we would experience losses in our journey to become Mom and Dad.


We simply did not know that we weren't the ones in control.


I think back on our trials every time I look at Mary Ellen's beautiful face, and I am so thankful of her arrival. Someone asked me recently if I now felt "complete." I wasn't quite sure how to answer the question and I hesitated. I didn't want to be weird or rude, so I eventually nodded a yes and went on. I couldn't help feeling a little confused by the question, however. I know it was meant to be a sweet question and the person was being sincere, but what did she mean by being "complete." Was I incomplete before I had Mary Ellen? Was I less of a person? Did my life not mean anything? Does this mean people who choose not to have children, or cannot have children, are incomplete?


No. I was complete. I was complete because I had the Lord with me.


At times, I often felt broken and less of a woman because I couldn't get pregnant. I remember crying and being horribly jealous of other women who were pregnant. They were awful feelings and I knew I couldn't live like this. I knew I had to change my view and my attitude. I knew I had to relinquish control and hand it over to God.


After praying (continuously) it felt amazing to have that burden lifted off my shoulders. I knew that God had plans for Brannon and I and we just had to let Him map them out. He would reveal His plans when He was ready. I did not feel incomplete after that. I felt whole. He let me know that I was and always will be a whole person.


I am a whole person who helped to bring another whole person into this world. What a beautiful gift and privilege He has given me. I imagine Him looking down from Heaven and smiling at me saying, "Okay, finally she gets it. Give that girl a baby!" And I am so glad He waited to give me my daughter because I truly needed to be taught this lesson. Now I am better equipped to teach Mary Ellen about being whole in Christ. How awesome is that!


To all my loved ones (and some of you are feeling broken right now), you are COMPLETE and WHOLE and BEAUTIFUL in Jesus Christ. Give the control, the burden, whatever it may be, over to Him and believe that He has the strength to carry it.

And then praise Him for it!

Love You!